Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
