Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
