That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
