My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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