Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
