apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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