Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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