I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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