Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
