So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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