I'm lost and stupid without you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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