I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
