Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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