you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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