i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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