sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
