Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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