im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
