We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
