I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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