We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
