FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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