drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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