the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
