Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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