Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
