Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
