we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
