friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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