We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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