Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
