how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
