I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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