well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
