Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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