I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
