I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
