You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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