make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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