My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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