when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize