I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
