I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
