SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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