The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize