Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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