I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
