oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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