pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
