Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
