I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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My liver just had a heart attack.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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