Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
