are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
