Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
