The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
