he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
