he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
