Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
