Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
