life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
