did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
