New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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