I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Houston, we have a squirter
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
