Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
PANTIES FOUND
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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