Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
