At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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