she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize