dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
