Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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