Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
