i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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