if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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