I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
