So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
