She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize